Cool for Cats
by todd fan
Summary: My first holiday fic of the year! Jamie finds three orphaned kittens...but all is not what it seems...


Cool for Cats

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms... and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me..."

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Hi ho all. Yes, this is a Holiday one-shot. I do have another holiday fic in the works, another depressing one, I enjoyed writing 'The Meaning of Christmas...' so much, I decided to do another agnsty. But this one, this is a fun, happy one! This was partly inspired by an episode of the utterly genius show 'Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends'. Enjoy!

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**Grandma got run over by a reindeer**

**Walking home from our house Christmas eve**

**You can say there's no such thing as Santa...**(1)

Logan growled as the New Recruits bust into song. He shook his head, staring at his can of beer. Damn, the holidays always made him despise his healing factor....one could never get drunk enough to avoid all the.....ugh...joy. Joy such as some idiots stupid idea to put a christmas hat on the Canadian mutant's head. Logan hadn't been bothered to take it off, and so sat at the table with the thing sitting on his head at a jaunty angle.....he already knew there were at least five different sets of photographs of it....there was no use getting rid of it now.

"SHADUP!", he snarled as the New Recruits started to sing about 'hoofmarks on her forehead'.

The result was instantaneous. Complete and utter terrified silence.

"That's better", said Logan, taking another swig of his beer.

"Come now, Logan, where's your Christmas spirit?", asked Hank.

"Bah humbug", replied Logan dryly, downing another beer.

"Oh, stop being so Grinchy, Logan", sighed Hank.

Logan rolled his eyes, muttering into his twentieth beer.

BAMF

Logan closed his eyes, taking a deep, calming breath. He took another one.....nope, it didn't work.

"ELF!", he snapped, looking at the ceiling.

Kurt was hanging on a chandelier, a look of complete inocence on his blue furry features.

"Vas, Logan?", he said sweetly.

"You know what!", said Logan with a growl, "stop puttin' mistletoe everywhere!!!".

"But I....", started Kurt, before sighing, pulling the sprig out from behind his back, "party pooper"

BAMF

Kurt reapeared in the living room, grinning as he stuck his piece of misteltoe on the doorway.

"There, I vin", he said smugly.

"Win what?"

Kurt turned his head downwards, looking at Jamie from his upside-down angle.

"Nothing", replied Kurt, "I'll tell you vhen you're older"

"You're only four years older than me!", protested Jamie.

BAMF

Jamie sighed, shaking his head, entering into the room proper. Why did everyone treat him like a kid? He was twelve, not two!. He stopped dead as he entered the room....his eyes drawn to a Christmas tree....and another Christmas tree..and another. A quick count proved there were no less than seven trees in the room. Stood in the middle of them all, fussing over them, was Kitty. Jean stood to one side, holding her head as if she had a migrane coming on.

"What's with all the trees?", asked Jamie, cocking his head to one side.

"Oh dear sweet lord, MY LIVING ROOM!".

Xavier was sitting in the doorway, looking at the trees, leaving needles everywhere.

"I tried to stop her, Professor!", cried Jean, "but she wouldn't listen to me!"

"I wasn't about to let these trees die!", said Kitty, then turned to Xavier, "do you know what they do to trees who don't get picked out?".

Xavier sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"No...but I am sure it's connected to why there are so many trees in my living room".

"They put them in the chipper!", cried Kitty in horror, "and that's NOT as happy as it sounds!!!" (2)

"So she dragged ALL these trees home!", shouted Jean, "and she doesn't even CELEBRATE Christmas!"

"I don't NEED to!", snapped Kitty, "this Christmas Tree trade is barbaric!".

"Kitty, for once, just once, get off your soapbox!", groaned Jean.

"No, Christmas Tree killer!", snapped Kitty.

"You know, we could put them all in different rooms", pointed out Jamie helpfully.

"Not now, Jamie", sighed Xavier, ushering him out of the room, "I need to deal with this...problem, then we can talk"

"But...", started Jamie, before sighing as the door closed, "great".

He hug his head, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he slouched down the corridor. He soon came across Bobby and Sam, working on a sled.

"Whatcha doing?", asked Jamie, peering over Bobby's shoulder curiously.

"NOTHING, YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!", He screamed, before noticing Jamie, "Oh, it's only you"

He waved a hand.

"Get lost, Squirt, you'll blow our cover!". he said.

"No I won't", smiled Jamie, "I can help"

"No. You can't", said Bobby, "go...do something else"

"You'll only get in the way", said Sam, giving Jamie a smile, always trying to avoid upsetting anyone, "why don't you go...build a snowman or something?"

Jamie frowned, stomping away.

"If you don't want me around, just say so", he mumbled, stopping at the door to put on a hat and coat before stepping outside.

The mansion ground were covered in a deep snow. Storm had promised them a winter wonderland in the days before those with homes to go to went home, and she'd come through.

"Build a snowman", muttered Jamie, starting to pile a bunch of snow up, "It sucks being the youngest".

He finished making his snowman, plopping his hat on it's head.

"Look at me", he mimicked, "I'm Iceman, and I think I'm really cool when everyone really thinks I'm anoying and smell funny!"

The 'SnowBobby' did nothing.

"Loser", replied Jamie, feeling slightly better now he'd let off steam.

A sudden gust of wind plucked Jamie's hat from the SnowBobby, carrying it across the yard.

"Hey, my mom gave me that!", squeaked Jamie, running after his hat.

Eventually, the wind died down, the hat dropping from the air with a plop, just outside the mansion's gate. Jamie sighed, opening the gates up and leaning down to pick up his hat. He paused as he realised his hat had fallen ON something. He crouched down, brushing the snow off it, finding a box. He glanced around curiously, before opening it. Inside were three, thin, helpless looking balls of fluff. Closer inspection proved the balls of fluff were actually...

"Kittens!", squeaked Jamie, leaning in to scoop the trio up, "what are you little guys doing out here in the snow?"

The kittens mewed helplessly, snuggling closer to him for warmth.

"Have you been abandoned?", asked Jamie, then frowned, "you know, the Professor doesn't let us have pets. He says Mr McCoy and Kurt shed enough fur for one household".

The kittens mewed again. Jamie bit his lip.

"Okay, but you gotta be quiet", he whispered, stuffing them into his coat and pulling it closed.

He made it all the way back to the mansion, closing the door behind him, and started sneaking to his room.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CLEAR THE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY"

Jamie blinked as the ground beneath him turned into ice. Seconds later, Bobby whizzed past on a sled, Sam powering him from behind. Jamie jumped to the side as the Cannonball-powered-sled rocketed past...and into a wall.

"Bobby, Sam, get out of here now!!!", came Amara's scream, "PROFESSOR, Bobby and Sam are breaking the house down again!!!!".

Jamie winced, deciding to get out of the crime scene as quickly as possible. He spun around, heading for the stair..instead, walking right into Storm.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Munroe", said Jamie in a squeaky voice, "I..err...I'm going to my room...I'm a GOOD boy".

Storm blinked, arching a brow.

"....Okay then", she said, then frowned, "Jamie....is your coat....moving?"

Jamie's eyes widened as he pulled his coat closer to him.

"Must be a dupe trying to get out, heh heh, that's it", he said, sidestepping her, "err....bye Miss Munroe".

Without giving Storm time to reply, he made a mad dash upstairs, slamming the door to his room shut. He breathed a sigh of relief, sinking to the floor, then released the kittens out into the room. The little balls of fluff tumbled out, then imediately started padding around his room, sniffing everything they could find. Jamie smiled watching them.

"I really, really, really want to keep you guys, but the Professor won't let me", he sighed, then grinned, "unless I can HIDE them from him!"

_Hide what from me, James?_

.............And that was why he was supposed to not think too loudly.

_Err....nothing, Professor, really. Nothing at all....heh heh_

_Jamie?_

Jamie sighed, looking at the kittens.

_I was building a snowman outside, when my hat blew away and then it landed on this box....Andinsidetheboxwerethesethreekittensandthey'retinyandcoldandhungryandneedaplacetostay,socanIkeepthemprettyprettyplese?_

There was a long pause while Xavier tired to decipher what Jamie had just 'said'.

_.....We can't keep pets here_

_Awwww but WHY? We have Kurt, he's like a pet! And what about Rahne? And Mr McCoy!_

_Jamie, they do not count as pets. Think about things like the danger room, and all the powers that could go off at any moment. It is not a safe environment for a pet. I'm sorry. Take care of them for tonight, I'll call the animal shelter in the morning._

_Yes, Professor_, sent Jamie with a sad sigh, severing the link, leaning down to pick up the nearest kitten.

"I'm sorry", he said, "but I'll find a good home for you all..don't you worry. You won't have to go to a shelter".

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By the time a few hours had passed, Jamie's plan had been thrown into full swing. A few anonymous phone calls around Bayville saw to that. Of course, the rest of the household had soon learned of the new 'guests', and their arrival was met with mixed reactions.

"Aww, they are so totally cute!", squealed Kitty, petting one of the kittens as he purred on her knee.

"They're only kittens", snorted Rogue, "kittens that won't even stay here, so what's the point of getting attached?".

"You're just jealous because the kittens don't like you", smirked Ray, petting one of the two female kittens, who seemed very attached to him.

"A'h don't care if they like me or not!", snapped Rogue, "'cause they aren't staying".

"Damn right they aren't", said Logan, then sniffed the air, growling, "the Acolytes"

Storm blinked.

"The Acolytes, here? Why would they be HERE?", she asked, "they surely don't want to start a battle NOW?"

"Errr...no", said Jamie sheepishly, "they're here because I...err...called them".

Logan growled, sniffing the air.

"I take it you called the Brotherhood an' Forge too?"

"Yes", said Jamie, then cleared his throat, "Warren's phone line was busy".

Hank sighed, shaking his head, going off to open the door, a gust of wind entering as soon as the door had opened, finally stopping and forming Pietro.

"Okay, why the heck did you call us?", he said, glaring at Jamie, "and why, oh why, did you call Magneto's Un-Angels and the Hippie Guy too?! Huhhuhhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh?!!!"

Jamie squeaked backing away from Pietro, before pointing at the kittens.

"Kittens, free to a good home?", he tried.

"You mean to tell me that Charles' 'emergency' is nothing more than an incident involving...kittens?", asked Magneto, shaking his head, "Acolytes, we are going home"

"Awww, but boss", said Pyro, pointing at the kittens, "they're so cute and sweet. Can't we take one home?"

"Why do you want a cat when we have Sabertooth?", asked Remy.

"HEY!", snarled Sabertooth.

"Because Sabertooth won't play with a string and stuff", said Pyro, then paused, "unless you drug him up on catnip".

"Okay, that's IT, you Austrailian punk", snarled Saberooth, grabbing Pyro by the scruff of his neck.

"Can you PLEASE refrain from killing each other until you leave the premises?", asked Xavier with a tired sigh as he wheeled in, "oh, come in, all of you, why not? This is only my house, it obviously should be full of people!"

"Whoah...", said Forge as he entered the room, looking at the Christmas trees, "Happy Days flashback" (3)

"Hey it's like Sanata's grotto in here!", grinned Todd hopping in.

Jamie grinned, clearing his throat.

"Hello everyone", he said, "I bet you're wondering why I called you all here. Well, y'see, we got three homeless kittens who really need a home".

"No", said Magneto, "no more cats!. It's hard enough cleaning up furballs after Sabertooth"

"Stop picking on me!", growled Sabertooth.

"No way", said Forge, shaking his head as Jamie looked hopefully at him, "what about all my machines?".

"Well, WE'LL have a kitten", said Freddy with a sniff, plucking up one of the kittens, "WE'RE not Scrooges!"

"Only one?", whimpered Jamie, "but what about the other two?"

"We'll bearly afford one!", said Lance, "and I'm only agreeing to this because I'll never hear the end of it otherwise".

FWOOOOMF!

Everyone turned as one of the trees suddenly began burning.

"MY HOUSE!", screamed Xavier as Bobby quickly covered the tree in ice, putting it out.

"Pyro, just because I said you couldn't have a kitten doesn't give you the right to burn down my friend's house", snapped Magneto.

"I didn't do anything!", protested Pyro.

"Err......guys?"

Everyone turned to Kitty. The kitten on her lap was covered in flames. It gave a sneeze, shooting out a ball of flame.

"FIRE KITTEN!", squeaked Pyro, plucking the kitten from Kitty's lap, snuggling him, "awww, you gotta let me HAVE him, boss, he's MADE for me!"

"....How...", started Hank.

The kitten Freddy was holding suddenly became scaled and green, flicking out a forked tounge. The kitten on Ray's knee frizzled into a kitten-shaped electrical bolt.

"Mutant Kittens!", said Magneto in amazement, "well......I never saw THIS one coming".

"Me either", mused Xavier.

The 'sparky' kitten hopped off Ray's knee and padded to the pile of Christmas tree lights, abandoned hours ago by Logan.....he'd left a great deal of holes in the wall after that. The kitten sniffed the lights before vanishing into them, thenleaping out again. The lights suddenly blinked into life...despite the fact they weren't plugged in.

"Hey, he's a perpetual energy kitten!", blinked Forge, "I spend YEARS trying to make perpetual energy and this kitten beats me in one stroke?!"

He picked up the kitten, clearing his throat.

"Well...I guess I can take her home", he said, then cleared his throat, "you know...for powering stuff".

"Yeah...sure", said Jamie, rolling his eyes as the kitten batted at Forge's necklace.

Todd meanwhile was eyeing the green kitten worriedly.

"What's wrong, Toad?", smirked Lance.

"Snakes EAT toads!!!", squeaked Todd, hiding behind Freddy as the scaled kitten flicked out her forked tounge.

Wanda gave a smile.

"Boys, we have a new pet", she said, leading the Brotherhood out.

"BYE, mutant kittens!", called out Jamie, waving his hand.

"Charles?", asked Logan, "is it time ta break out the good brandy yet?"

Xavier gave a sigh.

"Yes, Logan...I think we better should".

"Good", said Logan, then cleared his throat, "an', Charles?"

"Yes, Logan?"

"How the heck do I turn off those Christmas lights?"

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(1) - Grandma got Run over by a Reindeer, one of the more.....bizare Crimbo songs.

(2) - You may remember such a thing from an episode of Friends, Night of the Living Dead Christmas Trees, I think best describes it.

(3) - There was, indeed, an episode where the Cunninghams had around seven Christmas trees in their living room.

And there you go. Enjoy it? Incidentally, I let the dormant artist in me loose on this, and stucka picture of the kittens on my DeviantART page, you'll find the link in my profile page. Anyway, no more plugging. Do review. Happy Holidays!


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